He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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