Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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