I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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