you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
