I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
