i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
