You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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