Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
