New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
