she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
