when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
