You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
