i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
