My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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