I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
