How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
