would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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