Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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