Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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