I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
