Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
