Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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