i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize