angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize