our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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