I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
