I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize