i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
