Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
