Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
