I wish I could teleport
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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