im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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