Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
