Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
