Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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