She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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