Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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