Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
