Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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