I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
