so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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