i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize