You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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