I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
