last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
