The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i will never coherently bang her
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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