yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
