i think my mom watched the whole time
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
