wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
