Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
