You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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