You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize