it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
