Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize