I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
