I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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