Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
