So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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