Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
