when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
