I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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