bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
