i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
