I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
