What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
