I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
