we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
