is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
bring money and cleavage
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
