She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize