So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
