I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
