It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
