I hate all girls vehemently.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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