We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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