So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
