This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
