Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
