pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I want to make a zoo with you.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
