i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize