Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
