We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
