She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
