Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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