we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
