I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize