You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
