I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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