We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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