what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize