Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
