you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
