when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
