Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
