By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize