hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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