I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
When did angry sex become our thing?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
