The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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