ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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