..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
