You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
