you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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