I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
