How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There are leaves in my underwear?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
