We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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