Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
