Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
