I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
