woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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