I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
