you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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