Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
