then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
