What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
